Monday, Nov. 17, 2003
the world
its ever so simple
i have to stay
there is a choice
between hating here
&& getting down to working
so its only a blink of an eye
dont let the world defeat you
but the worlds tried so many times before
i dont feel like i can face it anymore
when i play the innocent victim i question my history knowing im not wholly irresponsible for other peoples miseries
ive made people cry && sworn in their faces, ive kissed their boyfriends and made out with their best friends, ive laughed when theyve been sad and smiled when theyve been on the verge of dying
karma: kar�ma (k�rm) n. - the inflexible result of cause and effect; the theory of inevitable consequence
so maybe
maybe i cant leave because of all the thoughts i thought about them, all the things i wished that would happen to them, all the unhappiness and bitterness of the world would come crashing down and ruin their pretty little lives with sweet vengance..
.. but wait a minute sweetheart, before you get ahead of yourself, arent you forgetting something
has the past eighteen months been your own personal living hell in which youve tried to crawl out of
i'd call that karma coming to get you
&& then theres the theory
when things in one part of your life are looking vaguely okay, you subconciously fuck the other parts up in an effort to keep the balance between happiness and misery
i dont know anymore
i give up trying to analyse myself and my actions
theyre far too complicated and unknown
so i will sit here
count the days til im home for christmas
[nineteen]
when i'll be with you and things make sense
thissidedown at 4:04 pm